Understanding worry
Worrying is a normal aspect of life; we all worry from time to time. However, some people worry more than others’ and this can become a problem.
Over worrying can interfere with our ability to do everyday stuff and stop us from enjoying life. It can affect our mental well-being (for example feeling irritable, stressed and anxious) as well as our physical well-being (for example experiencing pins and needles pains, headaches and feeling tired), but it can also affect our sleep, digestive system and even our immune system. What’s worst, it can become an habit and a vicious circle: we worry, we worry we are worrying, we worry more. Somehow worrying can make us feel as we retain some sort of control as if worrying things through could prevent things from going wrong. Sometimes, even the idea of trying to take a break from worrying can make us feel as if we are losing control over things. This, however, can cause behavioural changes, such as seeking reassurance from family and friends and putting things off.
In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) worries are divided into 2 groups:
- Practical worries: worries we can act on.
- Hypothetical worries: worries we can’t do anything about. These are often generated by a “what if…?” about the future.
Keeping a worry log
The first step to solving a problem is to understand it. In this case, it’s about identifying its nature: is it a practical or hypothetical worry?
It does not work for everybody but keeping a diary can help. Personally, I am not a fan of keeping a diary as I find the whole process frustrating and time consuming, but it must be said that even keeping a diary for a week can really go a long way to make things clearer. It may seem very easy to quickly identify the nature of our worries from their mugshot but you’ll be surprised! First of all keeping a diary can help you understand how much you really worry and when. Some have a tendency of worrying more at bedtime, others when they wake up. Some may think they worry just a little bit, but once they write down every time they have worried about said problem, they find they have worried a lot a lot more than they thought and that it may have affected their day a lot a lot more than anticipated! Secondly, when you go through the effort of writing them down on paper with a label, it can help you address how to tackle it. For example, if you worry a lot about hypothetical worries, then you must remember there is not much you can really do about that, because they are hypothetical. No one has a crystal ball; they are hypothesis and they haven’t happened yet. If they are more practical, then working on a solid plan to tackle it once and for all may serve you better than keep worrying over it.
My advice would be, if you – like me – hate the idea of keeping a diary, try it at least for a week. Even a week can be a revelation! It doesn’t matter where you write them down as long as you do: a notepad, on your phone, on a board…. up to you! Just try writing them down!
Classifying your worry
When worries are about a current situation (practical worries), generally speaking something practical can be done to deal with them. When worries are about future events that cannot be solved right now (hypothetical worries), generally speaking we can do with a little structure to control them. Normally, the difficulty arises when we try to deal with our worries in the same way, because they cannot be dealt with in the same way!
To classify your worry, note down the following things:
- Date and time
- Situation: where you are, what’s going on around you and what you are doing
- Your worry: write your worry down in full, for example “I worry that Mark thought….” or “what if…?”)
- How anxious do you feel: on a scale from 0 (not anxious at all) to 10 (very anxious)
- Mugshot: “P” for Practical or “H” for Hypothetical
The “worry time” technique
At first it may seem difficult to identify the nature of your worry.
Start from here:
- If it’s a worry that starts with “what if…?” and it’s about future events, then it’s a hypothetical worry. Even though they haven’t happened yet, it’s understandable to keep worrying about them but they require structure. Use “worry time” to dedicate specific worrying time to this worry and let it go when that allocated time slot has happened.
- If it’s a current situation that you can do something about it is generally a practical worry. In this case make a plan to take action upon it. If you can’t, assess what is stopping you from taking action. If can’t do anything about it right now, and even practical worries sometimes cannot be acted upon immediately, then use the “worry time” to help let go of it for now.
Worry time & Letting go:
Sometimes it can be hard to let go of those hypothetical worries, even if they don’t have a current or practical solution. Similarly, it can be hard to let go – even momentarily – of those practical worries that cannot be dealt with right now.
An effective technique to deal with this is using the “worry time”, which is simply a time you give yourself to worry. Allow yourself to worry! Allowing yourself to worry at a specific time (preferably during the day and most definitely not before bed time) and for a specific amount of time (20 minutes?), gives you power and control over your worries.
This can help you get out of that vicious cycle of worry that prevents you from feeling fully able to enjoy what you are doing in the moment. Bear in mind, doing this takes practice, so if you find yourself getting upset, frustrated or annoyed at first, give it time and continue to practice worry time.
Three simple steps to help you achieve this are:
- Each day plan your worry time. Best if during the day and definitely not at bedtime! Choose a time that works for you and for a period of time that you feel is ok. Although 20 minutes is probably enough, you may find that at the beginning you need a bit more. Also reflect on what it feels like to worry as much as you want for that period of time. Did you need as much as you planned? As you practice worry time each day you may find that you feel less worried outside of your worry time and that you feel more able to deal with your worries in less time.
- If you still worry after your worry time, write them down for your next worry time. They are not forgotten. You are only structuring it so that you can manage it better. For example, if you worry before going to bed, keep a worry list by your bed so you can write them down but leave them to be until your next worry time.
- When you are done with your worry time and/or once you have written down a worry on your worry diary, then refocus on the present moment. Pay attention to what you were doing before you were worrying, what is going on around you and the task at hand. If you were in the middle of a task pay attention to how you do it, if you were trying to relax watching telly pay attention to what you are watching, if you were talking to someone focus on the conversation you are having.
The “problem-solving” technique
Problem solving your practical worries is an important step in managing your worries. Problem solving is an evidence-based intervention that helps you initially distance yourself from your worries to help you think about different types of practical solutions that there may be. It may help to follow the below step-by-step guide:
- Identify the worry you want to focus on. Choose one that you really want to solve and that is manageable.
- Convert the worry into a practical problem and pay attention to the resources you have available.
- Identify solutions. You should then try to identify as many potential solutions as possible. At this stage nothing should be rejected, no matter how ridiculous some solutions may seem. In fact, the ridiculous ones can help to generate other more practical solutions.
- Analyse the strengths and weaknesses of each solution by considering the main advantages and disadvantages of each.
- Develop a plan. The solution you have chosen may require careful planning so it may help you to outline a steps-by-step plan. Try to ensure that the steps are specific, linked and realistic.
- Review your plan. How well did it work? What have you learnt from it? If the plan did not work, then perhaps go back to the previous step and select a new solution as the basis of a new plan.
