The importance of making happy memories
According to Meik Wiking, the CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Copenhagen, we are the architects of our own memories. It is therefore important to ensure that we deposit good memories in our memory bank so that, in the future, we are more likely to make withdrawals of happiness.
As I recently went through a difficult and uncertain time, I have taken special care to become the curator of my deposits. Evening that could otherwise have felt empty, were filled with cozy blankets, candles, mouth-watering healthy meals, catching up with friends and good reads. My multisensory experiences, as suggested by Wiking, also helped me make these memories last longer in my memory bank. Days that had the potential of becoming meaningless and filled with dread for the future where filled with things purposely placed around my day to give myself a sense of purpose. I became the architect of my household of memories to ensure that, when looking back, I would withdraw snippets of happiness.
Doing so helped me, not only to get through this difficult time, but also to maintain well balanced and positive state of mind. With every hour and every day that passed, I also added to the evidence showing that I had it in me to go through with it and come the other side stronger.
Life events and memories
Of course, it is not always possible to turn all life events into positive memories but, as the Cognitive Behavioural approach suggests, not all negative life events need to lead to negative results.
What seems to be more important is instead the way in which the person reacts to the situation (i.e. how they interpret and think about it, and how they behave as a result). This step, however, is shaped by our very own core beliefs. Negative early experiences like poor parenting, bullying at school or at home, rejection from peers or family to name a few, all contribute greatly to the development of unhealthy beliefs. These, in turn, impede us from formulating healthy judgments, solving problems, adjust to negative circumstances and can lead to relationship and social problems.
False memories
The problem with many memories, though, is that they can also trick us. In the book “The art of making memories”, Wiking mentions a 2008 study carried out by Elizabeth Loftus, called “Asparagus a Love Story – Healthy Eating Could be Just a False Memory Away”. Over the course of this study, Loftus and her team, had planted the false memory that some of the participants loved to eat asparagus when they were children. Data taken from the participants that now believed they loved asparagus as kids, demonstrated that these new (and false) memories had consequences such as an increased general liking of asparagus, greater desire to eat asparagus when dining out and even willingness to pay more in the grocery shop.
False memories can become very ingrained and alter the way we view things.
Memories and depression
The way we process memories is particularly interesting when we look at depression. Researchers from Brigham Young University believe that the reason why depression affects memory is because it affects the ability to differentiate things that are similar, a process called ‘pattern separation’. The more depressed a person feels, the more difficult it becomes to distinguish between similar experiences, resulting in less memories being recorded. A study on depression and memory by the University of Texas found that depression reduces memory capacity by as much as 12%. This is also explained by the fact that people who are depressed have difficulty concentrating, which can prevent them from focusing and remembering things.
The difficulty with depression is that it also has a tendency to get stuck on ‘negative thought-loops’ creating what some experts call the ‘interference phenomenon’.
Depressed people become fixated on these negative thoughts to the extent that they interfere with their ability to remember other facts or information, including the happy ones. In other words, we could think of it as a virus that, once entering our memory bank, infects the stock.
Conclusion
Therefore, identifying and understanding how negative and unhelpful core beliefs came about, as well as challenging, updating and changing them as we grow older, is the only way to achieve healthy and positive core beliefs that in turn will help us to adjust to negative circumstances. Add that to making a conscientious effort to deposit happy memories in our memory bank and you already have a good recipe for success!
